Enter 2 year old main stage, front and center.
Yes, Harper is starring in the most frightening movie ever, its called "Terrible Twos" that shits real.
I always heard the term, and never took it seriously. Kids will be kids right?Word of advise, never think it wont happen to you because the karma gods will laugh at you and before you know it you are facing your worst nightmare.
It amazes me how quickly a fun filled day out with my daughter can turn into a scene from the exorcism of Emily Rose. Seriously, I keep waiting for her head to spin! Fortunately Harper does not spew green vomit all over, but the screaming and crying leads to a lot of coughing and gagging which is quite similar. In the past month I have had 3 serious public tantrums. First tantrum was at Target where we fought over a pair of pink cowboy boots. I could have let her continue to try on every pair of shoes, and throw them all into the cart while I tried on 6 inch heels and looked like the biggest white trash mom ever, but I opted for wheeling my screaming child out of the store to calm down in the car. It all seemed so clear in my head as to how it would happen. I Would do the walk of shame til we got outside, then she would realize I was being serious about leaving and calm down and we could finish our little shopping trip. Nope. I literally had to carry her over my shoulder kicking and screaming, all while carrying my over-sized purse and Her backpack. Of course I parked by some sweet family with 4 well behaved children which were leaving at the same time I was attempting to get my child into her car seat. By now I am sweating, and laughing because I cannot get her in her seat, I felt like I was being closely watched by said perfect family that I had to restrain myself from elbowing my daughter in the chest and dropping multiple F bombs. At this point I have given up so I let her freak out in the back seat, and embarrassingly sit in the passenger seat and hang my head in shame. At this moment it seems as if everyone and their dog shows up to target and all the available parking spaces are right where I'm parked. Lucky!
My demon child is literally trying to climb out the window, keep in mind the window is rolled up, so it looks like I have a possessed midget spider man in my back seat. At one point I'm pretty sure she was head butting the glass, which seemed like a good idea for me to do at that point in time as well. Eventually we did leave the store and all was well in toddler land.
I really hope this phase ends soon, because I am going to lose all my hair. In a perfect world Harper would have fruit snacks for every meal, and watch endless amounts of "Marfa" (Martha the talking dog).
Source: Message with a bottle. Hilarious blog!
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